I think some of it is giving in a little. Then taking a step back. Crying it out. Then find something new to fixate on… Rubbing my cheek and feeling a flush as the bruise is still tender. Remembering the details. How much better it is with someone experienced. Exactly the distraction I need. How well he knows me. That’s what I need distraction… Redirection. Like a toddler. Focus on this instead. Hell if it works. It works. My whole life has been nothing but a game of figuring out new ways of tricking my brain into being okay, letting go of the intense feelings, learning to ride them out and self soothe. My feelings are my own to handle. No one else’s. I wish there was more recognition for that. But that’s most of life. Silent victorys that only you know.

I’ve grown.

And it feels good.