I don’t want feelings. I don’t want these feelings. I hate that I can’t control them. That your laughter is all I want. That the kindness in your embrace wasn’t so intoxicating. That I didn’t live for your smile. I

hate that I now know your embrace. The intensity within the sheets. Feeling your body react. Wishing like a stupid fucking Scorpio that fucking was enough to make you want to love me.

How desperately I don’t want to feel this way for someone who does not feel this way for me. How foolish to feel for anyone who doesn’t think the world of me.

I want you to want me. Even though I know that’s nowhere you’ll be anytime soon. Even though I had planned on a gluttonous lustful binge myself.

Knowing that you might never feel that way about me. That you can’t see, the bitter jaded heart I hold somehow has found a person worth loving in you.

What a fucking rarity. That any man could catch my eye and the pining of my heart I didn’t know it could still feel.

Could still hope.

How foolish a bleeding heart.

My belief that it was dead. That there was no one it could possibly believe capable or worthy of loving again.

And here I lay wasted.

Wishing I could hold you in my arms and play with your hair. Wishing I could fucking care for you. Wishing I could make you laugh forever.

Unrequited love.

I hate my Pisces moon.

Together with my Scorpio sun.

Making me capable of this madness again.

Is it really a slow and steady race?

If I go slow and steady will I eventually meet the end? Will they be there waiting with love for me?

I want to have more self esteem than this.

I want these feelings to go away.

I would give anything to give such feelings up.

For I know nothing of how to protect my heart.

How do I escape unscathed?